Friday, March 14, 2008

It’s good to be the king?

It has been two years (almost to the day) since I was last in Israel. A lot has changed in two years. Sure, many of the sites have been further developed. Many have been further neglected. But, I guess what has changed the most in two years is my role. Two years ago, I helped the group leader . . . a little . . . when necessary. This time, I am the group leader . . . all the time.

My mentor told me years ago that traveling is different when you are the leader. I am finding him to be right (again). Though I have traveled to Israel several times, this trip is a little different. Part of the disorientation of this trip is the nature of traveling with a group unfamiliar with the area. I am mama duck with all my baby ducks in a row. I decide where we go and how long we stay there. That is an awesome responsibility that still overwhelms me to some degree.

I also find that I am not enjoying the trip in the same way I once did. I still find the Caesarea theater magnificent. I still enjoy Tel Dan and the Cliffs of Arbel. But, some of the "wonder" is gone. I am sure part of the loss is that these sites are familiar to me. But, I believe that most of my wonder has been replaced by concern for all of these traveling with me—these college students who have been placed in my trust. I worry about keeping them safe—keeping them fed—keeping them on schedule. Is it any wonder I have to remind myself to take pictures? The longer I write this, the more I think I should have focused on parenting instead of travel.

This has forced me to frame what Mel Brooks said with confidence in History of the World as a question, "Is it good to be the king?"

I have prayed for an answer to that question while getting this trip ready. There were times when I considered what I was doing—adding a class to my teaching load without compensation, the budgetary concerns, and the travel concerns—and I had to ask myself, "Is it worth it?" "Is it good to be the king?"

Now that we are traveling, I think I have found the answer. I have discovered that there is one sight that I can enjoy that no one else can. Though I may have lost some of the wonder of the places, my reward is seeing their wonder at these places. Everyone in this group has truly made an effort to drink in the history that surrounds them. On occasion I will say something in just the right way (professors are always searching for "just the right way"), and I will see a connection made. You can see it on their faces. Something you said changed them, and they are not going to look at the world the same way ever again.

I suppose it is that reward that got teachers teaching in the first place. We pray for the revelations to take place. In that dynamic dance that takes place between teacher and student, sometimes the steps fall just right, and you really feel like you teach. You always know you when you really teach because you have found your life enriched as much (if not more) than the students.

That is the new wonder that I have found—not in places, but in faces. And, considering that, I do think, "It's good to be the king."

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